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Warning
Some warning texts from actual packaging around the
world:
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular
soap.
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion:
Defrost.
On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the
box): Do not turn upside down.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be
hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on
body.
On Boot's children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or
operate machinery.
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor
or outdoor use only.
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the
other use.
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions:
open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with
your hands or genitals.
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment
does not enable you to fly.
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Blond Joke
A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans
over to the big woman next to him and says: "Do you
wanna hear a funny blonde joke?"
The big woman replies: "Well, before you tell me
that joke, you should know something. I'm blond, six
feet tall, 210 pounds, and I'm a professional triathlete
and bodybuilder. Also, the blond woman sitting next to
me is 6' 2", weighs 220 pounds, and she is an
ex-professional wrestler. And next to her is a blond who
is 6'5", weighs 250 pounds, and she's a current
professional kick boxer. Now, do you still want to tell
that blond joke?"
The guy thinks about it a second and says: "No, not
if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."
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Бил
Гејтс
Умрел
Бил
Гејтс и
отишол
кај Св.Петар
кој не
знаел
дали да
го прати
во Рајот
или во
Пеколот.
- Били,
имаш ти
големи
заслуги
за
човештвото,
ама тоа windows,
па плави
екрани...Оди
види
како e на
двете
места па
кај
сакаш
таму ќе
те
пратам.
Отишол
Бил во
Рајот -
природа,
ангели,
зеленило...
Во
Пеколот -
журки,
голи
жени,
изобилие...
И
посакал
да оди во
Пеколот.
После
некој
ден
отишол
Св.Петар
да го
посети, а
Бил на
ражен го
печат
ѓаволите.
- Добро бе
Св.Петре
првпат
кога бев
тука не
беше
вака!
- Е па тоа
беше
ДЕМО. sent by Simon
COMPUTER WORLD
As soon as you delete a worthless file, you'll need it.
Installing a new program will always screw up at least
one old one.
You can't win them all, but you sure can lose them all.
The likelihood of a hard disk crash is in direct
proportion to the value of the material that hasn't been
backed up.
There are only two kinds of computer users: Those whose
hard disks have crashed, and those whose hard disks
haven't crashed - yet.
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it. If
you fiddle with something long enough, you'll break it.
A29 Reasons Why You Might Want To Sign Off and Read a
Book.
1. Tech support calls YOU for help.
2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
3. You fall asleep, but instead of dreams you get IMs.
4. You meet the mailman at the curb and swear he said
YOU'VE GOT MAIL.
5. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3
days and 45 minutes.
6. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."
7. A friend calls and says, "How are you? Your
phones have been busy" -- for a year!
8. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have AOL
in your car.
9. You beg your friends to get an account so you can
"hang out."
10. You get a second phone line just to call out for
pizza.
11. You've gone to an unstaffed AOL room to give tech
support.
12. You say "he, he, he, he" or "heh, heh,
heh" instead of laughing.
13. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what
it was you said.
14. You sneak away to your computer when everyone goes
to sleep.
15. You talk on the phone with the same person you are
sending an instant message to.
16. You look at an annoying person off line and wish
that you had your ignore button handy.
17. You start to experience "withdrawal" after
not being online for a while.
18. Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little
like this...."BRB. Leave your S/N and I^ll TTYL
ASAP".
19. You sit on AOL for 6 hours waiting for that certain
special person to sign on.
20. You get up in the morning and go online before
getting your coffee.
21. You end your sentences with.....three or more
periods.......
22. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your
screen name on it.
23. You think faster than the computer.
24. You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with
{{{hugs}}} and **kisses**.
25. Being called a "newbie" is a major insult
to you.
26. You're on the phone and say BRB.
27. Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the
blood shot eyes.
28. "Where did the time go?"
29. You need to be pried from your computer by the
Jaws-of- life!
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